Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
