Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
