It was confusing and full of hummus
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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