An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
