the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
