Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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