Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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