I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
