So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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