I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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