Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
