Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
