Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
