just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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