Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
