I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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