Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
