i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
