Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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