i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
