Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
