xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
