Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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