We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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