Non-Jews are for practice
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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