I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
