Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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