the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
