If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
