He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
