She said her name was "party"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
