I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
