"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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