brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
