Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
