I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This is my gift to your gina
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
