You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
