i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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