I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
