So drunk, too bad you don't want this
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
