Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The feeling are messing with the penis
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
