I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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