I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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