I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
