i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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