you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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