he puts the penis in happiness.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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