I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
