mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
