So drunk its hurt
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it hurts more in the daytime
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
whose ass print is on the piano?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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