You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
