I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
