I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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