I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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